Dear Money: an exercise for rewriting your financial scripts
Whether you feel stuck, anxious, or ready to make a change, writing a letter to money can help you reflect on and reset your financial mindset.
5 min read
Could better financial well-being be as simple as — wait for it — writing a letter? Budgeting apps or investment strategies are useful, but they don’t exactly ask us to dig deeper into our emotional money roadblocks. Inspired by Jen Sincero’s book “You Are a Badass at Making Money,” this unconventional writing exercise can help you uncover hidden beliefs, reframe your mindset, and build a healthier, more empowered relationship with money.
A simple self-help exercise for your finances
Writing a heartfelt letter to your finances might sound a bit “out there.” But according to Jen Sincero, author of “You Are a Badass at Making Money,” it’s one of the best ways to explore your relationship with money. Sincero is no stranger to transforming her finances — she went from living in a converted garage to enjoying five-star luxury around the world. She suggests that getting your thoughts about money down on paper can help untangle the messy beliefs and emotional baggage many of us carry. While some of those feelings might not be pretty — like resentment, distrust, or guilt — acknowledging them is the first step to turning things around. However, a small disclaimer: Sincero’s book leans heavily into the law of attraction — the idea that your thoughts shape your reality. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t worry. The real takeaway is that being honest with yourself about money helps you gain clarity and understanding. That, in turn, lets you move forward with a sense of more control and empowerment.
Why writing to money can change how you think
Writing a letter to money lets us dive into our deeper thoughts and feelings about it, giving us a chance to step back and see things from a fresh perspective. Studies have shown that writing about difficult or emotional topics can reduce emotional distress and lead to better mental and even physical well-being. Whether it’s stressful life events, past regrets, or hopes for the future, we’re not just processing when we write — we’re also actively shaping how we experience and respond to life’s challenges. Relationship expert Esther Perel puts it perfectly: Writing letters, especially those we never send, lets us rehearse new scripts. We might want to address our inner critic, reconnect with lost parts of ourselves, or simply express emotions we’ve been avoiding. Whatever it is, the act of writing creates a meaningful dialogue. And when it comes to money, this dialogue can help us uncover what’s been holding us back and redefine what financial success truly means on our own terms.
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Writing a letter to money might feel a little odd at first. The key is to approach it like you would any other important conversation: with honesty and a little imagination. There’s no need to create a perfectly crafted piece, especially if writing isn’t usually your thing. Instead, the exercise is a chance to dig deep into your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about money — and see what you can learn about yourself in the process. Here’s how to get started:
1. Identify “who” money is to you
Before you even start writing, try to imagine money as a person. What kind of relationship do you have with them? Do you see them as a close friend who’s always been there for you, or do they feel more like a distant, unreliable acquaintance? If money has been a source of stress for you, your letter might have a more formal or tense tone. If you're familiar with financial success, it might be warm or even celebratory. Let your instincts guide the way you address money, and don’t overthink it — just let the words flow.
2. Lay it all out
Once you've personified money in your mind, write as if you're speaking to them directly. Be brutally honest. Tell money how you feel, whether that’s appreciative, resentful, frustrated, or hopeful. What has it given you? What has it taken away? Do you wish it was more consistent, or have you felt ignored by it altogether? This process is about bringing your emotions to the surface, so don’t hold back.
3. Read between the lines
Once you’re ready to reread your letter, don your analytical glasses and take a closer look, not just at what you wrote, but how you wrote it. Start by asking yourself: What tone did I use? Were you angry, pleading, grateful, distant, overwhelmed? Your tone can give you strong clues about your deeper feelings toward money. Can you spot any patterns? Look at recurring phrases or topics in your letter. Did you repeatedly mention feeling like you never have enough? These themes are important clues that point to your underlying financial beliefs.
4. Reframe your relationship
Now that you've uncovered the hidden patterns, emotions, and beliefs behind your relationship with money, it’s time to shift gears from reflection to action. Consider asking yourself: What's one small belief I can start challenging today? It could be replacing thoughts like “I’m bad with money” with “I’m learning and improving my financial skills.” Instead of attempting a complete overhaul, focus on small, incremental changes that can help you shift your mindset and habits sustainably.Ultimately, you have the power to redefine your relationship with money. Writing a letter to money is one tool that you can use to kickstart the process. By getting your thoughts and feelings down on paper — or maybe jotted down in the notes app on your phone — you’ll have some concrete evidence about the current state of things. Taking small, meaningful actions, you can build a healthier and more empowered financial future. So, take a deep breath, embrace the journey, and trust that with time and effort, you can create the financial relationship you truly deserve.
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